The F Word
by Tasi
Summary: Shinigami in the eyes of a 5 year old. IchigoXRukia, Rated for language.


WARNING!!! A lot of cursing and excessive use of the F-word because Shinigami have potty mouths.

Disclaimer: If I owned Bleach do you think I would be writing fanfiction? I also don't own Densha Otoko.

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**The F-word**

Whenever his mother said "Just 5 minutes," he knew it would be more like "Just 5 hours." So early on, he learned to stand patiently by and amuse himself until her business was finished. Today's particular activity was eavesdropping. He had begun with his mother and Mrs. Akiko, but quickly lost interest when the conversation shifted from Mrs. Hitomi's horrible new hairstyle to "Oh my God, did you see last night's episode of Densha Otoko?!"

His next target was a lady with such a ridiculously elongated, giraffe-like neck that he could almost picture spots dotting her skin, and the fact that she was wearing all yellow was not helping the situation. She was currently speaking to a fruit seller two stores down in what seemed, from the extravagant gestures, like a rather heated argument. He strained his ears in an attempt to pick up on what was being said, but the words were swallowed by the general din of market day.

The same problem occurred when he switched his attention to a walrus-like kid with his two front teeth sticking out like tusks and his equally walrus-like mother. Growing impatient by his unsuccessful attempts, he raised his hand to tug on his mother's skirt as a signal of him wanting to leave. However, his hand froze in mid-air as a rather loud and prominent male voice caught his interest.

"God damn it, Rukia! Stop being so fucking stubborn!"

Swiveling his head around the boy saw two people making their way up the street dressed as if they had just come from the Edo Period, zanpakutō and all. The red blotches on their clothing told of a recent fight, but the woman's limp seemed to be the only injury.

"For the last time, Ichigo, I can fucking handle it!"

"Right. Just like you handled that Hollow?"

The woman halted shifting her weight from her good foot to her bad on in order to delivery a rather harsh kick to the man's left shin.

"What the fuck?" the man howled in pain. The boy couldn't help smiling, finally some entertainment.

"I didn't fucking ask for you help. I would have killed it if you hadn't gotten in my way."

"Well excuse me for wanting to protect you," the man muttered softly, almost too soft for the boy to hear.

The woman balled her slightly raised hands into fists clearly wanting to punch her companion, the boy wanted her to punch him to, but to his dismay, she exhaled loudly and released them after a second. "Look, Ichigo. I know you want to protect me. And I love you for it. But you have to understand that I've been fighting Hollows since before you were born. I know how to handle myself. Let me fight my own battles."

"But…," the man said running his hand through his bright orange hair clearly frustrated.

"No buts."

For a moment, the man stared at her as if waiting for her to change her mind, and when it became clear that she wasn't, he let out a very long exasperated sigh. Taking her small hands into his bigger ones, he pulled her closer to himself. The boy's smile disappeared. This was quickly heading towards mushiness, and he didn't like it one bit.

"Then promise me", the man said his voice a little unsteady under the gravity of his words, "that you won't go looking for trouble, and that you'll call me if things become too much, and that you won't…you won't…" His voice faded away letting her fill in the end.

"I promise," the woman said with a small half smile. The boy rolled his eyes; this was almost as bad as his sister and her new boyfriend.

"Then, I'll let you fight your own battles."

"Thank you," the woman said standing on her tip-toes to place a chaste kiss on the corner of his mouth, at which the boy pointedly made a face. "Now let's go home, I'm starving."

She turned around and began walking again only to wince in pain with every step. She had forgotten about her now even more swollen ankle. After walking – limping – for a bit, the woman stopped again noticing that the man wasn't following. Looking over her shoulder, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion as the man just stared at her, "Ichigo?"

The boy also stared at the man wondering what he was thinking as his eyes shifted from the woman's ankle to her face and back to her ankle. He didn't have to wonder long because the man's scowl grew into a mischievous smirk. "You know what, Rukia?" he stated moving towards her, "You're opinions are rejected once again!"

And before the woman could say "What?" he scooped her up, throwing her over his shoulder and began sprinting down the street.

"What the fuck?!" the woman screamed in surprise, "Ichigo, you fucking bastard! Let me down!"

The boy doubled over in laughter as he watched the two disappear around a corner leaving the words "Fuck you, Kurosaki!" resounding through the air.

After his laughter subsided, the boy wiped at his eyes as he scanned the area to see other people's reactions but everyone else was going about their business as if there hadn't been two strangely dressed people yelling at each other. Even though he found this to be very odd, he shrugged and pulled at his mother's skirt, needing an urgent question answered.

"Mommy", he said when he got her attention, "What does fuck mean?"

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AN: My little brother has asked awkward questions like that before, except not about this word. Thank God. The funniest one wasn't a question but he came from school one day, walked up to my dad, and pointedly said "Daddy you're gay!" I really thought my dad was going to die laughing.

Review, yes?


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